Tillerson - "longer-term status of President Assad will be decided by the Syrian people"
McCain - WTF? Come again?
Assad - Sweet. I now have zero incentive to do anything that might create an international incident that could catapult the US and Russia towards WWIII. Like drop Sarin gas on beautiful children.
Meanwhile, in the Deep State ...
Wait, this means we will not be able to make trillions of dollars in weapons slaughtering the people of governments (like Iraq, Iran, Libya and Syria) that are not complicit in artificially creating a demand for US currency by selling their oil in US currency denominations. Which ALSO makes us super fat cats. Fuck that Tillerson guy.
Suddenly, from out of nowhere
Hillary - Hey Guys! Remember me? I championed a proxy war w/ Russia in Syria on the campaign trail! This is a GREAT idea!
McCain - (placing his finger to his lips) Shhhhhh. Now, hey Dick, where did we put all that Sarin gas we made Assad give up after the last time we tried to replace his regime in 2013 but our silly citizens opposed another war? stupid citizens.
Assad - WTF?
Putin - Prepare the Trump dossier leaks
Trump - uuuhhhhh .... Assad did this to beautiful babies, you know, the ones I wouldn't allow into our country when they were fleeing US funded Al-Qaeda Iraq rebels that became ISIS whom we provide weapons to in our ongoing war, errr, I mean revenue generating efforts against governments who don't sell their oil in our currency.
All Major News Outlets - this is an aggressive act of war against the US. Even though nobody attacked us.
Bannon - THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!!!! GO!GO!GO!GO!
Trump - Can someone delete all those tweets from 2012 and 2013 when I was shaming Obama for doing the exact same thing I am now doing. SAD
Rand - "While we all condemn the atrocities in Syria, the United States was not attacked" ... <crickets>
Trump - (has Putin on phone) you know, Vlad, I need to ask permission to bomb a Syrian airbase before I tell Congress, so get your people out of there. FAST
Assad - oh shit
Congress - Don't look at us even though the Constitution says we need to approve this shit. That just messes with our re-election chances. Executive Orders are the way to go! Blame all presidents, not us!
Brian Williams - that was a beautiful airstrike
Raytheon Stock owners - YAAYYY!!!!
Putin - Stupid Americans. Leak Trump's dossier and warm up the subs
McCain/Hillary - YES!!!
Trump - It's Obama's fault. SAD
Pelosi/Schumer - Thumbs Up!
Deep State - sweet, a new revenue generating Cold War and the opportunity for a crap-load more revenue generating proxy wars! Maybe even a real one! I'M RICH, BIATCH!
US Citizens - WTF is a petro-dollar?